Why is my life at a standstill?

There is so much in my life right now that I feel is at a standstill, and anyone who knows me at all will tell you that I cannot handle stagnation.

I hate that I feel like all of a sudden my life has decided to stop.  When I was in college I was moving toward a higher goal. Toward something that I believed was tangible.  Now even though I have 2 degrees I feel as if I am ignorant of the world around me and feel as if all my years of education and academic achievement have failed me.

It has gotten so bad lately that I am either not eating at all or eating until I explode, which isn't good.  It's depressing to think that the life that you envisioned for yourself, which once was so close, is now out of reach. A career that you love shouldn't just be a dream. 

Now don't get me wrong I love the job I have now. I love my coworkers and my bosses, they are all amazing people.  I love going to work everyday but I have been so used to learning something new in the field of music that I feel like my knowledge is slipping away, never to return and never to be used again.

So, I am thinking about trying something new though. I have been interested, for some time now, in the music of the Jewish community and I've decided that maybe it would be best to follow that path.  So, I have decided that I should try and find a place here in Eugene to take Hebrew lessons. This way maybe I'll be better prepared for a focus in the field of Jewish Music and maybe, just maybe, be able to travel to Israel for field work.

A couple of my closest friends will undoubtedly tell me that this decision is foolish or dangerous or crazy, but do I care? No.  I need to move forward and at the moment that is not happening.

Looking Forward

Okay so here are some updates:

1. Didn't get into the pit for Avenue Q but that's okay because the music director didn't really know what he was doing anyways.

2. I got into the Eugene Symphonic Band and I love the group already!

3. I am playing clarinet for the South Albany High School version of The Wizard of Oz

Yay.

Exciting and Busy Week Ahead

So hopefully this week will end as great as it started.

I got an email from the music director for the Lord Leebrick Theater Production of Avenue Q confirming a time to audition for the clarinet and alto saxophone parts in the pit orchestra.  I cannot convey how excited that made me.  I went around all day yesterday just walking on air. I also got an email from the Eugene Symphonic Band asking me to come and play audition to be in their group. YAY!

Now for the interesting part. I was able to get the pit parts for Avenue Q and I started practicing them on Erica's alto and I'm kind of out of practice on saxophone. It's not like I can't play the part, I can, but I think that it sounds loud and choppy. I have a couple days to work on my saxophone chops before the audition but I'm starting to worry about whether or not my saxophone skills are up to par for a gig like this.  So my goals for the next two days are to go to work and practice. I need to find a way to sweeten up the sound I'm getting on the alto. Right now I think it sounds too loud and honky.  It'll take some getting used to for sure. I really want this gig!!!  Oh well if I don't get this one then there is always the Eugene Symphonic Band.

In need of Musicking!!!!

Okay, so I love my new job.  So why is it that I feel extremely restless and frustrated.

I know why.  Because I need to be making music.

So I have put some feelers out there for some shows that will be opening soon to play in the pit orchestra. Avenue Q will be playing at the Lord Leebrick Theatre soon and hopefully I'll be auditioning to play the reed book in that show next week. Into the Woods is opening soon at Gallery in McMinnville but Seth, the former music director for that show, moved to Portland so I'm not sure if they will be using a pit. :(

But I am trying to get  myself in the music community here in Eugene, it's just a bit difficult I guess.

I was right!

So my last blog said that it was going to be a great week and so far it is.

Yesterday I played with the American Metropole Orchestra for the Mel Brown Jazz Camp. I love playing with this group! It is so awesome to be on the same stage with some awesome musicians.  Now I just need to get my saxophone chops back and I'll be good to go for next time.

I also just want to point out that some of the music that we played was original and that I really loved "Rain Samba" by Cassio Vianna.   If he ever releases his songs on an album I'll buy it. Especially if Sherry sings.

I also know that I really want to buy the game that Eric,  Courtney and Joseph keep playing, but I need an xbox 360 to play it. Boo. I'll get one eventually.  Just after I pay bills, get health insurance, fix my car, and all the 101 things I have to do before I buy fun stuff. :(  Oh well.

Interesting Weekend...Great Week to Come!

Oh man.  What a weekend.

So I went up to Monmouth to help Courtney and Joseph move.  I feel so bad for them right now. The rental company that they got the apartment from made a big stink over getting the deposit on time and whatever, but when Courtney and Joseph got there the place hadn't been cleaned.  At all. Eww.

But good news comes even after an event like that. I have a gig that will pay on Tuesday. YAY! The music is so much fun. I should play saxophone more often, it's really fun.

I also got good news at my work today. I got a new chair, a key and my hand stamped at the courthouse, which is huge.  Yeah I know it's temp for now but I think I could be here for a while at least.

So far this is a great start to the week. Lets hope that it only gets better from here.

:D

The First Free Summer...I think.

So much as happened since my last entry.  It's been, what, five months. So I won't end up going to doctoral school in the fall but I think that is a good thing. I moved back in with my parents (not sure how I feel about that just yet).  And I got a new job, which I love so far.

So my plan goes something like this.

Work
Practice
Research
Take a break

I fully intend on having fun this summer but I also want to do some soul searching too.

I know that I love to play and I know that I love to research so I think that this summer is the best time to find a way to balance my two loves, and be more financially stable.

Practicing has been really hard so far because I feel like I'm bothering my parents. I think that I may need to find a better place to practice. I don't know where though. 

I also have been having a hard time organizing my practice time. And if you know me then that is saying something. I am usually very organized and methodical about my practice but without a specific piece to work on for a class or performance I am lost as to what to play. Maybe I need to start preparing a new piece, just for me. I don't know.


For now I think that I will take a break from research for another week or two. Get my priorities in order.  Practice more.  Take a break.